April 28, 2006

 

All the News That’s Fit to Stink

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...I’ve been somewhat busy over the last week and a half, and haven’t found as much time to write as much as I would like to. I still found myself devouring the news like Augustus sucking down chocolate in the Wonka factory, and felt the need to be the opinionated jerk that I am. In turn, I figured that I’d try spouting off on a few things.
...Former crack dealer 50 Cent is upset that Oprah doesn’t have more rappers on her show and “caters to older white women.” Apparently it’s not enough that rap is getting only 24-hour coverage on MTV Jams, 12-hour coverage on MTV2, and that all the anchors on SportsCenter talk more ebonics than sports. 50 Cent—along with fellow rapper Ludacis—isn’t happy that he’s not getting similar coverage from Ms. Winfrey.
...It’s just so unfair that Oprah hasn’t come around and sacrificed all those silly middle class gals with purchasing power in favor of teenagers (who often get their purchasing power from their middle class moms giving them spending money), crack addicts, and gang members. Damn her.
...Apparently a graduate of the James Frey School of Creative Writing, Harvard teen Kaavya Viswanathan had her plagiarism discovered in her book How Opal Mehta Got Kissed, only to explain that she had “internalized” the words of novelist Megan McCafferty, of whom Viswanathan was a fan.
...This reminds me of the time that Vanilla Ice defended his theft of Queen’s classic song Under Pressure for his own hit Ice, Ice Baby by suggesting that adding an extra note somehow made it his own.
...It seems more like Viswanathan is yet one more person who wants to be famous and is willing to resort to any means necessary.
...When Men’s Health offers information on topics related to sex, they interview doctors, psychologists, and sex therapists. When Maxim offers information on sex, they go to former Hollywood madam Heidi Fleiss.
...Charlie Sheen couldn’t be reached for comment because he was too busy studying photos of commercial jetliners.
...Hoping to win the votes of those who get most of their political information from bumper stickers, T-shirts, and Sean Penn interviews, politicians all over the country are jumping on board the windfall profit tax bandwagon to “punish” Big Oil for the increased cost of petroleum products as well as the increased profits of oil corporations like Exxon-Mobil, which recorded a mind-blowing $8.4 billion in first-quarter net income.
...Sure, the windfall profit tax brought in less revenue than had been expected when it was implemented in the 1980s, and sure, it lowered domestic production by as much as 4.8 percent, but hey, it sounds good on those bumper stickers.
...Oh, and who exactly is punished by a windfall profit tax? Why, it seems to be the consumer—not the oil companies. Let’s consider this: Oil corporations are taxed—or fined, if you prefer—several million dollars; the money goes to the government; in order to recoup the money that was confiscated by the government, the oil companies charge more for their products to their distributors; the distributors charge the gas stations (or other retail outlets) more; the gas stations and other retail outlets charge more at the pump; the consumer pays more.
...So, the government gets rich, the oil companies just charge more to get their money back, and I still get fucked at the pump.
...Put that on a bumper sticker.

8 Comments:

Blogger Kristen said...

Even better, I'll put it on a t-shirt.

You are my second favorite libertarian in the whole wide world.

April 29, 2006  
Blogger J.P. said...

Thank you. Thank you very much.

I keep wondering, though, how “libertarian” I am nowadays. I find myself saying, “Things should be like this,” instead of saying, “Do whatever you want to do.” Maybe I’m a fascist in denial.

By the way, who is your first-favorite libertarian in the whole wide world?

April 30, 2006  
Blogger amy said...

I read an article on MSNBC.com today about fellow students at Harvard enjoying the fall of "Mehta's" author. Though what really struck me was that one student said she was so surprised that someone at such a prestigious school would plaigiarize.

Huh? Are you serious? Really?

As an Information Literacy teacher, I know that many students who are caught plaigiarizing have been doing it for years and are rarely caught their first time out. If someone really wants to get to the bottom of her copyright enfringement, they should submit her high school term papers to TurnItIn.com and see how well she REALLY did to get into Harvard.

April 30, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Love your blog...!! I've been reading for hours. =)

May 02, 2006  
Blogger John Britely said...

The big O needs to take Marion Barry's advice for the Lerner Group bidding for the Washington Nationals: You must add blacks to the management team but don't rent them. http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/05/01/AR2006050101673.html

Draw your own conclusions.

May 02, 2006  
Blogger J.P. said...

Dana, many thanks. I’ve corrupted yet one more blog reader!!

John, things were simpler in the days when the biggest controversy was whether or not Soriano was going to actually play left field.

It might be a good if we keep Marion Barry away from the Oprah story, however, seeing as how 50 Cent has a past as a crack dealer. That would just open the door for another Barry addiction and another re-election.

May 02, 2006  
Blogger J.P. said...

*add the word “idea” to my last paragraph to read “good idea”

May 02, 2006  
Blogger Legally Insane said...

[This comment has been deleted by the Federal Bureau of Investigations because of national securtiy concerns.]

May 03, 2006  

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