August 05, 2006


Brain Freezes Before Road

(WJAC Photo)
...A few days ago my friend John (not his real name, but I’m protecting his reputation which might be sullied if anyone ever discovered that he associates with someone like me) and I were discussing what might have happened to several of the “slow” classmates that we had in high school following graduation.
...When I use the term “slow,” I’m not referring to mentally handicapped, mind you; I’m referring to those who were considered “mainstream” kids but had absolutely no common sense and were—for a lack of a better term—clueless.
...Yesterday morning, while doing my routine perusing of news headlines, I suddenly discovered where all our slow classmates went. They moved to Ohio en masse and were hired by the Bureau of Motor Vehicles.
...An excerpt from a WJAC report:
A Central Ohio woman said she has had the same license plate on her car for more than a decade, but now the state is calling her personalized plate obscene.
Pat Niple turned 74 years old on Tuesday. She normally ordered her license plates and renewal stickers by mail. But this year, the Bureau of Motor Vehicles returned her check, accompanied by a letter.
Niple’s personalized plates are NWTF, an abbreviation of Northwood Tree Farm—a business she owned with her late husband. It also means something else, officials said.
“Apparently, the young people use it on the computer,” she said.
Niple went to a BMV office to get some answers. A clerk had to whisper what the acronym means to some people.
BMV officials said they have a set of standards that includes no profanity or obscene language. So, Niple has to use a temporary tag until her new, acceptable plates arrive.
...Rumor has it that the Ohio BMV is now mounting a campaign to force Ms. Niple to change her surname because it’s too close to the word “nipple.”
Source: WJAC


Blogger Dana said...

Oh man. I can't stop laughing at your tag line about her name being to much like Nipple. I'm gonna choke!

August 07, 2006  
Blogger J.P. said...

Maybe this was to be expected when chatters got jobs with authority. Just think—in a few years, the Ohio BMV forms might have terms such as: kewl; prolly; ppl; u; r; wtf; ttyl; and lol.

August 07, 2006  
Blogger Legally Insane said...

there was once an instructor at my college with the name "buttram"...

August 08, 2006  
Blogger J.P. said...

This is going to sound unbelievable, but there’s a doctor in my area named “Panic.” As far as I know, his career hasn’t been affected by it.

August 08, 2006  
Blogger Kristen said...

My friend goes to a GYN with the last name Weiner. I think that wins.

August 08, 2006  
Blogger a.m. said...

Wait, a GYN with the last name Weiner? Priceless.

I have to admit though, having grown up but a spare 10 miles from the Ohio border, I am not one bit surprised by this.

I wonder if anyone tried to get "Assman" put on their license plate?

August 08, 2006  
Blogger J.P. said...

Weiner wins. The debate is over.

Amy, as an interesting piece of obscure information, on the Stanley Cup is a listing for Frank Selke of the 1944-45 Toronto Maple Leafs, who was the assistant manager at the time. There wasn’t enough room for “Assistant Manager,” so they shortened it to “ASS MAN.” Here is a close-up of it.

August 08, 2006  

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