March 05, 2006

 

Idiots, Start Your Engines



...From where do some people get their driver’s license? Do they order them on the Home Shopping Network? Do they buy them from back-alley fake ID dealers? Do they offer blow jobs to the managers at the DMV office? I’m not sure, but in the northeastern United States we have some of the worst drivers in the nation. Without a doubt there are more assholes on the highways from Maine to Maryland than there are in the offices of every American proctologist combined.
...I like to find silver linings, though, and one thing that has been occurring more often is that many of these moronic drivers are willing to advertise their businesses on the sides of their vehicles. For that, I—and others drivers with common sense—say, “Thanks. Now we know who to avoid when we need a product or service from your field.”
...Within the last two weeks I’ve had a chance to add two more companies to my list of businesses to avoid: One is a bakery based in York, Pennsylvania, and the other is an ATV business in Washington, New Jersey.
...With regard to the bakery truck driver, you’ve helped me realize that not only does the bread made by your company taste like dog excrement, but your employer doesn’t really care much about the safety of other drivers (nor do you). The person who calls himself/herself the “supervisor” with this particular company might want to re-evaluate the driving guidelines as well as the drivers. After that they might want to re-evaluate their ingredients and baking methods.
...With regard to the moron behind the wheel of the gold Ford pick-up who was more than happy to let me know the name of his ATV business, all that I can say is this: There’s a difference between driving on a highway and riding an ATV on a circular dirt track. It’s bad enough that you haven’t figured that out yet; it’s even worse when you cut other drivers off when you have children in your vehicle as passengers. It’s also humorous to see that your Website boasts of how one of the company associates has a law background and is willing to “put just about anything in it’s (sic) place.” Is there a reason that you need to resort to legal threats right from the start?
...Oh well. These incompetent people are just more reasons to drive between the hours of midnight and 5 a.m. They’re also what my friends in law enforcement like to call “job security.”

13 Comments:

Blogger Ms. B said...

People in New Jersey often find their licenses in Cracker Jack boxes. I went the traditional route, however...and had it made by some guy named Mack that is friends of a friends brother's roommate's sister's nanny's boyfriend.

I know what you mean, though. Around here, people forget all manners when they get behind the wheel of a car. And it seems that when you pull onto any major highways, you've essentially entered the "race to get there first." Even if you're just running to the mall. It's awful...and in a few cases, deadly. I've gotten into the habit of just letting those people drive like assholes around me, and I just drive as defensively as I can. You never know when someone is going to cut you off, tail you, stop short in front of you because they've missed their turn and don't realize that they're not the only people on the road with somewhere important to go.

Boy I can't wait for my commute tomorrow.

March 05, 2006  
Blogger J.P. said...

What seems to be most frustrating is not knowing why these people act this way. I’ve heard the term “NASCARization” used to describe it, which suggests that so many people have become obsessed with racing that they’ve applied rules that might be seen at Daytona, Talladega, or Pocono Raceway to the highways.

That would be a dangerous generalization, however, because suggesting that NASCAR has influenced shitty driving is akin to saying that guns cause gang violence or that heavy metal caused the Columbine tragedy. It’s something deeper than that; it’s the willingness of people to take a few steps back from civility, turn animalistic, and fight for something that isn’t even worth a fight. Either way the ultimate result is what you’ve mentioned: the removal of all manners.

Another possibility is that this isn’t really anything new—it’s just that more of these people are reproducing and their weak genes are diffusing. Instead of one person with this Cro-Magnon mentality we now have three or four. Those three or four have children of their own who have offspring, and so on.

Moreover, people who drive like this are usually the same ones who started fights on the elementary school playground as kids. Now you might find them toting those bumper stickers that read “My kid broke your honor student’s arm.” Unfortunately they’ve never matured beyond the grade-school state of mind and now those of us who have matured must figure out a way to deal with them.

March 06, 2006  
Blogger Legally Insane said...

j.p. ...

i can understand your reluctance to have comments enabled. it is unfortuante that for every one quality blog like your, there are at least a hundred other inane blogs and bloggers. my suggestion for you, if you want to keep your comments off, would be to set up a blog-specific email where people can email you or to set up an ancilliary blog where people could be directed to leave comments and have topical discussions.

but to turn it on on my account? goodness, talk about having pressure to perform!

and i guess you know well enough that the problem with such pressure is the premature expectations.

and, damn it, i think i just blew it...

March 06, 2006  
Blogger J.P. said...

Disbarred Lawyer, many guys have dealt with premature expectations at one point in their lives. As we get older we become more comfortable with the setting, thus alleviating the pressure to perform. This is your first time commenting on this particular blog; the more that one comments, the more comfortable that one feels.

The serious side of my initial hesitation to enable the comments stemmed from negative occurrences at Websites like the Washington Post and a site called Boing Boing. At one point they disabled their comments sections because they found themselves inundated with slander and personal attacks. Originally designed to foster spirited debate and discussion, the threads quickly regressed to obscenities, name-calling, and even threats.

Even though 99 percent of the comments on my last two blogs were civil, the idea of starting anew was intriguing. With that said, I did miss the intellectual interactions that come with the insightful comments.

I admit that I’ve used a few choice names in some of my posts, too (such as this one when referring to drivers on the highway as “idiots” or “morons”), but I’ve attempted to do it in a fashion that is more descriptive than venomous. My choice of names reflects the irresponsibility that has been illustrated by those behind the wheel.

Perhaps there is a common factor here, because I can’t help but think that people who use such words in an attack-based manner might be the same kind of people whose driving skills are described in this post.

March 06, 2006  
Blogger —— said...

you have inspired me:

http://debate-stuff.blogspot.com

March 06, 2006  
Blogger J.P. said...

I’ve inspired someone? Holy googly-moogly.

The last time that I inspired anyone was first grade, when the kid sitting next to me saw me use a tissue and realized that having boogers sticking out of his nose wasn’t as socially acceptable as it had been in kindergarten.

Thanks.

March 06, 2006  
Blogger amy said...

I highly doubt it's been that long since you inspired someone, JP. There's no way I'd believe that.

After all, you are a Libertarian, right?

March 06, 2006  
Blogger amy said...

Btw, I'm very proud to be lumped under the category of "cell mates." A greater title has yet to be bestowed upon me! :)

March 06, 2006  
Blogger CalvinPitt said...

Here in Missouri, the problem seems to be not so much reckless driving, as it is just fast driving. Let me put it this way: On any given day, I'm probably driving five miles over the speed limit. No more. If it's 55, and I'm at 59, I ease off the gas.

Still, I am pretty much always getting passed up by any driver not over 60 years old. I don't know why this happens. Most of the time, I'm not in a big hurry, but I have this sense that I can go a little above the speed limit and still be in control (under normal weather conditions), and so I do. As for everyone else, I've couldn't tell you why. Maybe they all need to get to a bathroom really bad?

March 06, 2006  
Blogger J.P. said...

Calvin, you’re not alone in Missouri. I admit that I often do around five miles-per-hour over the limit (unless I’m in one of those “safety corridors” where the speeding fines are doubled) if I’m on a major highway and the roads are free of rain or snow, but the excessive speeds that have been hit by some people when coupled with their lack of driving ability are nothing more than dangerous and irresponsible.

This allows for an interesting discussion topic (possibly in another post): If most states have speed limits that don’t go any higher than 70 miles-per-hour (or is it 80 in Texas?), isn’t it odd that legislation has never been passed to prohibit automakers from manufacturing motors that can’t go faster than that? It’s almost like our war on tobacco. Smoking is banned in privately-owned establishments but it’s legal to buy the cigarettes.

March 06, 2006  
Blogger —— said...

good lord, j.p. ...

could you imagine the loss of revenue that would be imposed on countless communities across the nation that depend upon traffic violations for revenue?

my idea had been the development of radio frequency identification tags that could be placed in speed limit signs that would send a signal to the car's computer that would automatically limit engine speed as the car drove along.

wow... don't you feel better having your comments on and having all of these interesting discussions?

blogging just isn't the same without it.

March 07, 2006  
Blogger J.P. said...

—, I do feel better with the comments on when intelligent discussion ensues. By the way, shall I call you “—,” or is there another name by which you go?

I have to agree with you that most of the opposition to any kind of motor-limiting legislation would probably come from the very municipalities that preach against speeding. Speeding fines are a wonderful cash cow.

It’s similar to the tobacco laws mentioned earlier. We’ll probably never see any laws against cigarette sales to those 18 and older because of the revenue generated from the taxes on tobacco. It’s just more fashionable to preach against smoking, “Big Tobacco,” and just ban the act of using the legal substance. All the while the people who are opposed to the tobacco are more than happy to have their programs funded by the acts and substances that they oppose.

Human beings are an odd and dangerous species.

March 07, 2006  
Blogger —— said...

...with one major difference. the health care costs of smoking is going to--if it has not already--surpass the revenue generated by cigarette taxes. luckily, most drivers are insured and the benefits of speeding tickets outweighs the occassional vehicular decapitations, which the insurance company will usually pick up.

i find what your observation that human beings are an odd and dangerous species to be most true. that is why i am happy to live in communist china where the government deals with its citizenery as such.

March 07, 2006  

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